While I won’t elaborate too much on what’s gone down regarding
my restriction, I will say that I was more at fault than I may have originally
lead on, but I still think the punishment dealt was way more than I deserved. I
did fail to call in to the voicemail as I am required to do every morning
before I leave the house. Although I do submit a schedule every week detailing
my whereabouts for every day, I have to call in every morning with the exact
same information. So, that, and missing the phone calls, and then my agent
stopping in at the Goodwill shortly after I left and me not being there, lead
to him not knowing where I was. He then beat me home and called me again at
which point I did answer and we talked briefly about where I was and he told me
I was on lockdown.
So, what is the outcome? I’ve been restructured. What that
means is that my early release program had been adjusted for a violation. The
punishment: 30 days of no free time. That means I’m not allowed to go anywhere
but work or meetings for two more weeks…. And then the rough part: I have to
restart level three of phase two which means one more month of I.S.R. And that
started on the 9th so that one really hurt.
But to me, it was all based on things that didn’t exist.
Like I could have been on the run, or
I could have been out getting
high. I wasn’t. I was on my way home,
and I’ve passed all of their drug tests, and complied with all of their rules
before and after. But I can only take it in stride, and deal with it the only
way I know how, by accepting it for what it is, and moving forward. Being angry
about it or trying to argue with them would get me nowhere. I believe there are
more than a few people out there that are angrier about the situation than I
am, and for that I am grateful, it means people care, but I am not mad.
Also, my agent told me he read my post about the original
incident. So, we know that happens now. He said free speech protects me, and he
probably won’t be reading any more posts, but I feel; as if I need to be a
little more careful for a while.
I get to go shopping in 23 minutes, so I’m going to get
changed out of my pajamas as you see me dressed in in this picture, and I’ll
get back to writing later on.
Do you like the socks?
So, I’m back from my shopping journey. It’s absurd to me
that I’m allowed two hours for shopping every week, I’ve not been able to leave
the house for many other reasons, and I still can’t find a way to take up two
whole hours. When I’m in a grocery store I think my goal is to get in and out
as quickly as possible. And that’s not just because being out in public still
makes me a little nervous, it’s because I like to spend money. I would buy the
rest of my money’s worth of shit if I stayed in there for too long, so I get
the hell out. And of course on my way out the damn Girl Scouts had to have
their way with my wallet. Sure we all love their cookies, but $4 per box?!?!
What an outrage! What a delicious, peanut butter-filled, chocolate covered
outrage.
I’ve been writing back and forth to a guy I was in prison
with since I got out here. He’s been in for over seven years for D.U.I. Seven
fucking years! He’s going to be released in April and he is having some
concerns about what it’s going to be like out here. I sent him some truthful,
but encouraging e-mails and letters and today I received an e-mail from him
stating I had eased his discomfort because I was honest about what I had been
through, especially my struggles with anxiety. He also thought it was different
having somebody throwing so much positive information his way, he’s not used to
that being in prison. I offered to help him out when he’s released by bringing
him to meetings, and introducing him to sober people and potential sponsors. It
seems like I’m already starting to carry A.A.’s message to those who need it. I
just realized that the second before I typed that last sentence.
