I've hit another blogging milestone today! As of just after
midnight, I've had 5,000 page views. In the grand scheme of things, it's really
not that many. That would be like selling 15- 325 page books. But for me it's
exciting because I know people are reading what I write and it makes me want to
write more. I ask of one favor from you: if you have any favorite posts, or you
particularly like one in the future, share it. There is a link at the bottom of
every post that allows you to share it on all of the main social media outlets,
and it would really help me get my message out, whatever my message might be
that day. Thanks now.
This will be my last weekend of lock down. Again, like last
weekend, I’ve spent about four hours on both Saturday and Sunday, doing community service at the Goodwill Outlet. It’s
not particularly boring or stressful, but without fail, every week, I’m the
only one that keeps moving, working, hustling. I don’t take breaks, and I don’t
sit down. It almost certainly is the type of place that beats a person down
over time as they pay minimum wage and don’t offer much in the way of benefits.
It is very clear that nobody enjoys working there. That’s why I try to liven
things up by trying on funny hats. Don’t get me wrong, I have fun and we laugh
a lot while I’m there, but I wouldn’t want to be stuck there five days a week.
Which reminds me, I’ve worked or done community service now for 14 straight days
and I’m feeling pretty good. Five more days of work after this stretch and I’ll
be taking next Saturday off, which I will use to finish a project for my
Grandma. It will hardly seem like work and it will be great to see a member of
my family that I have not been able to see for over a month.
My schedule is packed for this next week. Meetings,
fellowship, free time, work, I can’t wait. It will be really nice to pick up
where I left off with my sponsor reading the Big Book, and finally getting a
start on these steps that I’ve heard so much about. I really need them in my
life because I’ve gone a bit downhill in the last month. I’m kind of a dick,
and that’s not what I want to be. It’s tough being cooped up and I think it has
definitely begun to get to me. In the month of restriction, only one person
visited me. One. There’s got to be a reason for that. And I assume it’s me and
not that I’ve chosen to have only ass holes as friends. Oh, and that one person
wasn’t even family. So, maybe I’ve come to be a little bitter, but I unquestionably
haven’t reached out to people to come spend time here, but why would I living
with my mom? Yep, I need to keep on working on that change that I started
before they took my time from me. This hasn’t been quite like a return trip to
prison, but it’s as close as I’d care to get.
This has been the hardest time for me since my release. I
have tried so hard to remain positive but I can only hold out for so long
before I start to crack. OOOh! Did I say crack!? That’s one of my triggers, and
now I feel like smoking a little crack. I mean, I’m joking a little there, but
this month has been filled with urges, spontaneous thoughts of use, perfect
opportunities to use and get away with it, and many, many pictures of delicious
beer passing in front of my eyes at work. But I’m stronger than all of those
triggers. I’m better than that, and I know the only path they can send me down.
And a week from now, my spirits will be up, the sun will be shining, and I will
at last be on that beautiful road to freedom.
