...When all of us are dead, and nobody can read cursive, this post will be useless. But for now, I think it's a nice change of pace. The pictures are from my phone so you may have to squint and read slowly. Enjoy.
Well, lucky for you, my brand new laptop arrived at my doorstep just moments after I got home from a terribly frustrating day at the office. I no longer had the desire to write out the rest of my post, and now I don't have to! So, without further adieu....
At the intersection of Marshall and Fry my car struck a very solid object as I was moving along at roughly 40 miles per hour. It was actually another Volvo, and I had hit it so hard that I pushed it up over the curb and on to the sidewalk. The impact was jarring and the sound was deafening. Fortunately for me there were no airbags to make matters worse. My first and only thought was for the safety of my bottle, and it was okay but it had rolled down to the floor and was now out of reach.
Before I could think somebody came running at me with a flashlight so I got out and mumbled something incoherently about going to get my insurance information then ran off in the direction of a friends house so I could figure out what to do. I had just recently saved a ton of money on car insurance by not having any car insurance, so it was an outright lie I told.
I got to my friend's house about a block away and I formulated my genius plan: I would change clothes and report my vehicle stolen! How could it possibly go wrong? Well, here's how...
I fumbled around in my friends drawers and closet to get a fresh outfit, then I dialed the police non-emergency number to make my report. After I hung up, I remembered the bottle in the car which I had to have, so I ran back to the car which now had even more witnesses standing around it. I thought I would be slick and reach in through the window to grab the bottle but yet again, it was just out of reach. The people glared at me with puzzled expressions. I ran back to my friends house.
Somehow I managed to pass out on his front doorstep and I was awakened by the police and asked to answer a few simple questions which I had a terrible time doing. They walked me to the scene of the crash at which point one of the brightest lights in the world was focused on me and I realized that I had picked out clothes of the exact color and size that I had already been wearing. Not only that, but I had returned to the scene once wearing this new outfit. I was arrested right there for filing a false police report, suspected D.U.I. and criminal damage to property for a street sign that had bent over during the crash.
In the end I was only convicted of the alcohol offense, and was never charged with or even questioned about all of the damage I had done in that neighborhood that night. I don't think I even served 20 days in jail, and I doubt I ever paid any restitution. Maybe my time in prison was for more than just my drug charge. Maybe I owed society a lot more than I thought I did. Either way, It's all over now.
At the intersection of Marshall and Fry my car struck a very solid object as I was moving along at roughly 40 miles per hour. It was actually another Volvo, and I had hit it so hard that I pushed it up over the curb and on to the sidewalk. The impact was jarring and the sound was deafening. Fortunately for me there were no airbags to make matters worse. My first and only thought was for the safety of my bottle, and it was okay but it had rolled down to the floor and was now out of reach.
Before I could think somebody came running at me with a flashlight so I got out and mumbled something incoherently about going to get my insurance information then ran off in the direction of a friends house so I could figure out what to do. I had just recently saved a ton of money on car insurance by not having any car insurance, so it was an outright lie I told.
I got to my friend's house about a block away and I formulated my genius plan: I would change clothes and report my vehicle stolen! How could it possibly go wrong? Well, here's how...
I fumbled around in my friends drawers and closet to get a fresh outfit, then I dialed the police non-emergency number to make my report. After I hung up, I remembered the bottle in the car which I had to have, so I ran back to the car which now had even more witnesses standing around it. I thought I would be slick and reach in through the window to grab the bottle but yet again, it was just out of reach. The people glared at me with puzzled expressions. I ran back to my friends house.
Somehow I managed to pass out on his front doorstep and I was awakened by the police and asked to answer a few simple questions which I had a terrible time doing. They walked me to the scene of the crash at which point one of the brightest lights in the world was focused on me and I realized that I had picked out clothes of the exact color and size that I had already been wearing. Not only that, but I had returned to the scene once wearing this new outfit. I was arrested right there for filing a false police report, suspected D.U.I. and criminal damage to property for a street sign that had bent over during the crash.
In the end I was only convicted of the alcohol offense, and was never charged with or even questioned about all of the damage I had done in that neighborhood that night. I don't think I even served 20 days in jail, and I doubt I ever paid any restitution. Maybe my time in prison was for more than just my drug charge. Maybe I owed society a lot more than I thought I did. Either way, It's all over now.
