So, I just wrote a little over 800 words about my brother.
You may be thinking, ‘Your brother?’ and you’d be right. I haven’t referenced
him in over a year, and it was time. You won’t be able to read that post unless
you buy the e-book when it comes out, so ready your wallets :-). Oh, the post includes
a picture of us. Yep, a picture of me and my brother, never before seen by the
general public. I tell you what, it brought out a lot of feeling that I thought
had been lost in the years of chaos. I feel really motivated after writing that
post to make amends with him. I tried sending him an email but got no response
yet. I can’t imagine he’d be in any hurry to communicate with me after all
these years, and after how I left things.
It’s a gloomy Saturday morning, but the mood is light here
at Nina’s. the music is upbeat, and the crowd seems cheerful. All of the
regulars are here, but I’m sitting in a different spot because somebody beat me
here. I try to be here by 6:45am, the earliest I’m allowed to get here since I
can’t leave the house until 15 minutes before that. I slept really well last
night and woke up naturally at 6:13. I just couldn’t get myself out the door on
time. Willie was being super cute and wanted to be scratched, so we just
relaxed for a while.
I feel like I’m just wasting time and words now. I truly
have nothing substantial to write about after getting that bomb off of my
chest.
24 hours later I’m sitting in the same spot. My mind is
wandering; I can’t seem to focus on any one task or thought. I’m really sore.
Yesterday I ran on the treadmill for 40 minutes straight. I hadn’t gone that
long for a while. At boot camp, every run was 40 minutes, so it felt good to
feel like I had gained back some level of athleticism that I had lost over the
year away from structure. I left that place at 173 pounds, went up to 188
before I joined the gym, and have since gone back down to 182. If I were smart,
I would try to control my eating.
I ran about four and a half miles so I gave myself
permission to eat four meals yesterday. Aside from breakfast, which I normally
eat here at Nina’s on weekends, they were all home cooked. Also, I ate a quart
of gelato over the course of the day. The fourth meal, Alfredo con le parti
testicolo, really did me in. It wasn’t necessary to eat it, but I had nothing
better to do, so I cooked. If you don’t know, Alfredo sauce is mostly butter,
cream, and cheese, which you pour over a carbohydrate. Then I go to sleep,
which I believe to be the healthy way to digest.
I feel like I’m wasting your time now, so I won’t blather on
any longer about food except to say that it would be really nice to cook for
somebody else someday….
I got a really long, inspiring letter from an old cell-mate
in Moose Lake prison this week. In 12 pages he told me everything that had
happened in the last 18 months. He’s been in now for over four years for his 5th
D.W.I. He wasn’t physically able to pass the tests to get into boot camp, and
his attempt at all other early release programs failed. He’s a fee man in 73
days, and he seemed cheerful despite his surroundings. He’s actually in
Faribault now, after a short stint in county jail. He completed the D.O.C.’s
treatment program (the same one I did) and he says he’s ready to face the world
as a sober man. I hope that’s true, I believe one more D.W.I. would rather factually
seal his fate.
In conclusion,
