I tend to handle stress very well. I mean, I never had a
meltdown or went crazy in the craziest place I have ever been, and I’ve made it
a year or better out here without getting into a major quarrel or dispute. For
a year I’ve been working in a factory doing the same thing every day, and I
think it was slowly wearing me down inside.
When I arrived at work today, the first thing I got to do
was tell the first boss that I am starting at the Xcel Center next Monday, and
a feeling of happiness washed over me. It wasn’t the excitement of a new career;
it was my mind knowing that I wouldn’t be in the same routine I’d been trapped
in for the past year. I actually felt good about working today, so it makes
sense that I was fired.
After I told boss 1 about my new schedule, we started
talking about my day: specifically, what I had planned for work. I told him I
had set up my machine last night for a job that boss 2 had told me to start working
on. I looked at the purchase order, and quickly realized that boss 2 had told
me to put the wrong film on my machine. It’s kind of a big deal, since I have
to lift off two- 150 pound rolls of film and put two smaller rolls on. It’s a
lot of work. I instantly became agitated; my mood went to shit.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
This factory is run by two men who oppose each other at every possible angle,
and it’s often us employees who suffer the consequences. I would say that it’s
accurate that every day I am given two conflicting orders or opinions on how to
do things. We are given little choice but to choose sides, and that side is
always whichever boss is in front of us.
I started running an hour after I got to work, and after
another film changeover, this one routine, I was about to start up again when
boss 2 came over and stood about a foot away from me and just stared. That’s
fairly standard for communication for that place. I looked over at him and
said, “You see the film I’m using here? It’s different.” Yes, I was being
sarcastic. I said a few more words about how much time I lost because I had set
up the wrong film and that’s when we started to argue.
For the first time in many years, I felt anger. No, rage. I
was pissed. He wasn’t taking any responsibility, and he was putting the blame
on me. I don’t clearly remember what I was saying, but I could see him getting
flustered, and that’s when he said, “… you’re a dumb shit.” Fuck. I took all of
my work property off of my person and set it down and said, “See ya.” He
replied with, “No, you’re done.” The implication was there, I was fired. I left the building immediately because I didn't want to dig any deeper. I went to the gym and ran for 40 minutes. The treadmill is a great place to think, and that's all I did. Well, aside from running, of course.
That was three hours ago. I’m sitting at Nina’s now writing
this post, enjoying an extra day off before I Start my new job next week. I’ve
already sent my apology in the form of a text to boss 2. I took responsibility
for my part in the rebellion, and that’s all I can ever do. I had to admit I
was wrong, and not throw blame at anything in particular. I received a message
shortly after inviting me back to work next week; he had cooled down, too.
In the brief time that I was jobless, a few things went
through my head. I realized that I am in decent shape financially. What that
means for me is that all of my bills are current, I don’t owe anybody any
money, and I have enough to pay rent and buy groceries for another month. Now,
that’s not a lot of money to some of you out there, but it’s everything I own,
and possibly the most I’ve ever had. And I’m pretty fucking happy with that.
I don’t think I would have tried to walk out of my job
unless I had the security of another as backup, but I’m glad I did, because I
really liked quitting, and I’d like to do it again someday. Next time I hope I’m
not fired as a result, and I hope it’s more permanent. I also hope it’s because
I’ve secured full-time employment somewhere else, and I leave in good standing.
