Saturday was my favorite day. I went to the Science Museum,
Sticks Restaurant, and Acme Comedy Company. You might be saying to yourself, “Gosh
Vince, you sure are cool, and that sounds great, but you should have told me so
I could have gone with.” You are right, I am so cool. Thank you. But there was
no space available on this adventure, this was a date; a date with a human
female. I went on a date!
I haven’t been on a date for years. I mean that shit, years.
I was nervous as I always am before I do anything that I haven’t done 100 times
before, so I calmed myself by getting ready for a period of several hours during which I showered, got a haircut,
trimmed my beard, showered, changed a multitude of times, settled on an outfit,
went to my mom’s condo, paced around and around, watched an hour of John Oliver
on YouTube while being careful not to get any dog hair on my black dress pants,
and pondered another quick shower but decided against it.
I’ll skip a few parts to keep the storyline moving, so we
arrived separately at the Science Museum a little late to see A Beautiful
Planet, but in time to see another show: Complete
Fucking Madness with Every Child in Minnesota. Yeah, the place was flooded
with children, so we made our way down to the cafeteria where we had some
dessert and coffee, and planned our trip through the museum. The museum hardly
changes, save for a few things, so after we checked out the dinosaurs and saw
the mummy, we entered the race exhibit where we both determined that we
were not racist and decided to make our way back through the swarm to the exit.
We made it out alive and made the wise choice to indulge in
another cup of coffee before the actual date portion of the night. Yes, the
museum was just a warm-up; a chance to see how the date might go, and it went
well.
Onward we drove into the uncharted waters of Minneapolis. I
don’t understand how the city works with all of its flashing lights and
numerically ordered streets, so I had to give up the surprise location in order
to have a competent navigator. Fortunately for me, she knew her way around the
city as I’m sure most people do.
We arrived at Acme, checked in, and were seated for dinner. I
haven’t been to Sticks in years, but from what I remember, the food has really
gone downhill. I can’t say everything was bad, but they got off to a rough
start with an appetizer made of Styrofoam, floating on a puddle of grease. I
can’t help but pick food apart and demonstrate how similar it is to a rubber
bouncy ball whenever possible, but I tried to remain calm and focus on the
woman in front of me. She asked me to tell her a story, so I went with one of
my favorites, The Bike Job.
It’s been a while since I told a story without looking down at keyboard, and I
liked it. We talked and talked, and laughed and smiled. My normal anxiety was
kept at bay by the stunning beauty in front of me that, for whatever reason,
seemed to be enjoying my company. Aside from the food, dinner was perfect.
After dinner we were escorted to our seats close to the
stage for the comedy show which had us rolling for two straight hours. I don’t
know why it’s taken me so long to get to a comedy store, but I can see myself
(hopefully with herself) going back routinely. For not having planned and implemented
a date for about a decade, I think I did alright. There's a lot I left out, and that was by design as a lot of these events will remain only in our heads as memories. If you’re wondering what A
Tenth Dig, the title of this post, is in reference to, it’s simply an anagram
of Date Night. I just didn’t want to give anything away in the title which originally was A Tight End, but that just didn’t seem very classy.
You’re probably wondering if I will ever go on another date
with this woman. And the answer is very simply, yes.
