Friday, April 15, 2016

Jaime



Ten years ago when I first developed my addiction to meth, I met a girl who's impact on my life I wouldn't fully realize until yesterday.

She was beautiful, funny, and smart. Those happen to be the things I looked for in a woman, and we hit it off right away. I was a full time drug dealer, having just been let go by Kemp's, so I had time to hang out and get to know her. We got high together, but more importantly, we did fun things together like played games, rocked out to good music, and had seemingly endless conversations about nothing and everything.

The meth world is a terrible place, and the toll of the never ending job was heavy on me. I changed. I became needy, controlling, and useless. We weren't dating, although we had been intimate for a few months, but that was over and she said one day that she was moving to Winona. I was hurt, and unwilling to face the truth: I was a mess.

We communicated of and on for months, and even after I quit meth and moved to Fountain. Eventually, we stopped talking altogether, but I still thought of her often.

Years later, when I got back into meth, I asked around about her, but never did see her. That was a good sign.

More years passed, and when I was released from prison I decided to look her up on  Facebook. She took a while to accept my request, but eventually she did which is when I was able to finally see her profile, and see what she'd been up to for the last decade. Fortunately she had quit using many years previous. But...

Sadly, yesterday, Jaime died after a long battle with breast cancer. I am grateful that we were able to reconnect over the internet however intermittently it was. The world is a worse place without her, I can assure you. Never in one conversation did she seem sad, or say that she got a bad break. She was always upbeat, and had positive things to say about all life.

She knew she was dying and yet she made everybody around her happy with her constant smile and upbeat attitude. Why can't we be more like that, knowing that we are living?

Jaime, you were a blessing to everybody you ever met. You introduced me to this amazing song that I still consider one of my favorites. I think of you every time I play it, and that will never change. I wish our time together had been more meaningful. And I pray that you are at peace wherever you are. Thank you for The Golden Age.

I don't believe in Heaven, Hell, or an afterlife. But yesterday when I found out about her passing, for the first time I wished there was something, and I felt a little glimmer of hope that just maybe there is more out there for us after this world. I mean, why would He take her away so early unless he had more important things for her to do?

 Rest in Peace, Jaime.

And Counting

I remember vividly waking up at 5:19am, one minute precisely before the lights would come on; the indication that it was time to stand a...