After a lengthy unintentional hiatus, you are now once again
able to get e-mail notifications when I publish new posts. You’ll have to take
the same steps as you did before by going to the web version of the blog and
following the instructions at the bottom of the page. I don’t know exactly what
went wrong, but I did somehow make it work again.
I haven’t written anything about prison for a while. In
fact, I rarely think about being there anymore, and even when I spoke about it
the other night, it felt like it had been a lifetime ago that I was in those
horrible places. It’s been nearly eight months, and aside from a little hiccup
and a 30-day loss of all of my freedoms, I’ve done exceptionally well out here.
This is my 101st post on this blog, so I’d like to take this
opportunity to look back on what I’ve accomplished in this relatively short
period of time.
Yesterday, my bosses told me that they value me as an
employee, in fact, they said it has been years since they had an employee that
was as motivated and hard working as me. They then gave me a $2 per hour raise
which is incredible for me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn here but, Beep
Beep, that’s pretty fucking awesome! I have worked my ass off every day since
they gave me a job just three weeks out of prison. The work is often
frustrating and repetitive, but I show up and I don’t complain because I am
grateful to be working full-time.
I have a car that looks like it’s been through my life. It’s
cost me so much recently that I could have bought a much nicer car if I had
spent the money I had to on new tires, brakes and rotors, and a high-mileage
oil change, all at the same time as a down payment. But, it’s mine. It’s in my
name, it’s insured, and I have my license, all things that are less common in
recovery than in the normal world. I spent all of that money and I could afford
to do it and have money left over to spend on necessities. I’m never broke, and
that’s huge.
I moved out of my mom’s house. Again. Some of you probably
did that for the last time in your teens, and I think that is pretty normal. I’ve
done it a couple times in my teens, a couple more in my twenties, and again in
my thirties. I want this to be the last time, so I need to work hard to keep on
the straight and narrow. I think I’m doing alright so far.
I have rekindled relationships with my family. Some I communicate
with and see more often than others, but I am part of the whole again, and I
can tell you that I can see now what I was missing out on for all of those
years. I’m no longer afraid of them finding out all of my terrible little
secrets. They know, and they accept me for who I am and what I’ve been through.
I love them. I love you guys!
I’ve gotten over my fear of being around people and in
public places. That was a tough one. For months I had trouble looking people in
the eye and having normal conversations. Actually, I still have some
difficulty, but it’s getting better. Anxiety doesn’t seem to rule my life
anymore. My favorite part of every week is going to my home group and gathering
for fellowship afterward with a group that has become very close over the past
few months. I hope this continues for many years.
That’s a lot of progress in just under eight months. I am
excited to see what the future holds. I know I have a lot of work left, but I
am up for the challenge. I don't have everything I want yet, but I have everything I need. I’m loving life.
