The Marijuana

First, a quick shout-out to whomever has been binge reading this blog in Russia. Thank you, and I hope to keep your attention. I recently added a widget on the blog's home page that instantly translates my posts into numerous languages and I hope that helps people from all over the world better understand me, and my life story through addiction. I'd also like to thank some of the fine folks down in Fillmore County that until recently, I didn't know we're readers. I often wonder who is reading and if it has the proper effect and I believe now that this is reaching those that need to see it.

Okay then, let's get to it shall we?

I was in middle school the first time I smoked weed. I went to an alternative school, I'm not sure why, but it was close to my house. It was called Expo for Excellence and its attendees for the most part were far from excellent. Some (I) might even say they were some of the dumbest people I've ever encountered and that includes most of the staff. I played Hank in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, that was the highlight of my stay.

I was invited to a birthday party with a few classmates and I was allowed to go. The plan was to take a big van to the drive in movies for the night. As soon as we parked and opened up the back doors, Brad's (Birthday boy) sister whipped out a mason jar full of weed and said we were going to smoke it all before we left. For some reason I wasn't nervous, scared, or anxious about it at all. I wanted it.

The movies started and so did the joints, one after the other. Around and around they went. One very unique characteristic about marijuana is that, in roughly 50% of its first time uses, it has no effect. That was the case with me. I didn't want anybody to know that I'd never gotten high before so I just acted like people did in the movies I'd seen, and it worked. They were impressed with my tolerance. Ha! Fuckin' idiots.

The first time I actually got high is a little different. I was 15 and my friend Nathan and I had spent the day shovelling sidewalks and we decided to spend our money on a bag of weed. We got it and we rolled a joint. I would always have a fondness for a good hand-rolled joint. Anywho, we walked over to Aldine Park in St. Paul where we smoked it and the fun began. My first high was not typical of every high for the rest of my life. It acted like more of a stimulant and hallucinogen. My body was flush, my eyes watery, and everything was an adventure. I think I spent an hour on the swingset alone. We walked around for hours laughing and doing nothing with purpose. I felt free and happy, feelings I hadn't felt in..... maybe ever. I knew I had found my love.

Flash forward two years, I had dropped out of school, been kicked out of my home, and I was stealing for  a living. Yeah I don't half-ass anything. My first felony, which I was arrested for when I had only been 18 for a few months, was a result of me trying to find a way to get a bag. Instead of getting a job and a paycheck, I tried to steal yet another high end mountain bike and got caught. And that was the start of years of legal troubles. It was also the start of my drinking which I could get away with on probation versus weed which would show up on a drug test.

I do miss it. I know what a calming, soothing feeling it can bring after a hard day of work. I know how much fun can be had in a circle of friends passing it around. I wonder if I could just stick to smoking weed. If I'm strong enough now to use nothing, then I could probably just get high and not use alcohol or the heavy stuff, right? I bet there's a high probability of that, but no guarantee. I tend to make bad, no, life changing terrible decisions for myself. I think I'll stick to zero. But in the back of my mind for some reason, marijuana seems like such a safe innocuous drug, and I had fun for years with it in my life. Years I went nowhere in life, but years I didn't harm anybody.

That's a lot to think about. I know I'm doing well now. There's still something (or someone) missing in my life, but I know it's not drugs. And as long as I keep my mind clean and clear of all chemicals, I will find whatever this life has in store for me. (Please let it be a hot wife and a bunch of kids!)