And That Is How It's Done

In response to some confusion about my last post about the bloody hand, I would like to elaborate slightly. No, I won't. I have to draw the line somewhere I suppose. I can't go in to detail about the people or the things that take place in closed meetings of AA. Sometimes I may be intentionally vague when writing about certain situations that may or may not have occurred in a meeting but from now on I will simply say that I can't be any more specific.

In contrast to my experience the other night in Golden Valley, I went out after the meeting tonight with a hand full of people-most of whom I knew- to the Green Mill for Bingo and half priced appetizers. I'll get my favorite part out of the way right now: I was completely comfortable, held perfectly normal conversations, and laughed a lot. I had a great time. I felt like a normal person eating dinner with friends at a restaurant. And as normal as that may sound to you, it has been something I wasn't sure was possible for me until now. 10:30, the time I had to be home was approaching quickly, and I absolutely didn't want to leave. As soon as I walked out the door I was excited for next week and another night out. And that is how it's done.

Oh, here's something funny, I won the second round of Bingo! My prize? Two free drinks. They gave me vouchers which I promptly gave away. I was happy enough just to have been able to yell out, "Bingo!"

Another thing that went through my mind briefly while sitting at the table was that on Monday night, I had the recurring thought that I wanted to go sit at the bar because I knew I would be alone, safe, and happy there, if I could just break away from all of these God damned sober freaks. Using thoughts are normal, and its obviously a good thing that I don't act on them. For me they seem to go hand in hand with anxiety. Whenever I find myself in a place or situation in which I'm uncomfortable, I think of sitting at a bar or a closed off room with a meth pipe and a torch. And those are oddly comforting thoughts.

Recently I became covered by health insurance and I'm wondering if maybe if I figure out how to see a Doctor I should ask about social anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate feedback from my readers, but when that information varies so drastically, I think I should seek expert advice. Yes?

What else.....? Hmmm. Good question, Vince. Good question.