As with most events in my life that weren’t dated with a
mugshot, or a stack of legal paperwork, I have no real idea when I went on my
cruise. It was more than ten years ago, and it wasn’t last week. I was a
drunken mess the whole time, and I nearly drowned. Also I saw a monkey.
The few pictures I have from the cruise are only around
because, for some reason, MySpace still survives. I can’t log into my account,
but I can copy pictures from my page.
This all started when a girl I was dating suggested we go
together. We became close very quickly, and after an only brief friendship,
began dating. It was a disaster, and only a month in, it all fell apart. Here’s
the thing, we still had Caribbean Cruise tickets, and mine was worth over
$2,000 alone, so we were going. I almost wish I hadn’t.
I had started drinking only a few weeks before the trip
after nearly five years of sobriety. I was depressed because I was single
again, and had lost whatever happiness I had found after years of finally
making the right choices. The point is, that I had picked up where I had left
off with drinking, and almost immediately started drinking to blackout every
night. I’ll get to it:
We left Rochester at 4am for the Minneapolis airport, I had
parked my car at a friend of Angie’s (the ex) and she would drive us to our
flight. Blah, blah, blah… We arrive in Florida, wait for two stupid hours for a
shuttle to take us to a line that we stand in for two more stupid hours, and
finally we board the ship. One person at a time, over 2,000 people. F.M.L. Finally,
at 6pm we start the safety whatever meeting where we all learn how to use life
jackets. It was like an hour-long version of the seat belt speech on an
airplane. 7:30, we hit the road. The road made of water.
Forever one of my favorite pictures. This was taken on the first night from either the bow, or the stern of the massive ship. Whichever one of those terms means the front.
The ship was colossal; I can’t think of a better word for
it. And, it had everything you could possibly want or need. Several casinos, a
hundred themed bars, too many restaurants, some free some not, a full gym,
swimming pools, various clothing shops, duty-free stores, and more. The first
night we just walked and walked, taking it all in. I grabbed a Foster’s and
that became my theme as far as beer went for the extent of the trip. The first
night, I didn’t black out.
Day two was all ocean. We took advantage of what the ship
had to offer, for me that was sitting by pools with colorful drinks the size of
fishbowls, and getting some sun. Sun+booze= Derrrrrrrr. I know I took a nap
because I was told by somebody that I should be presentable for the formal
dinner that evening. Well, I wouldn’t want to make a scene.
Taken in one of the never-ending hallways of the cruise ship
on the second night just before the first formal dinner.
The formal dining hall was, and still is, the most charming,
elegant setting I have ever eaten in. Seating was assigned, and we were placed
with other Minnesotans for the three proper dinners of the trip, it was pretty
cool. Lobster, beef tenderloin, other things, stuff, it was all delicious. And
I only had a glass of wine because I was classy. A few hours later I was
escorted back to my room because I was found blabbering in a hallway well after
everything had shut down for the night. I woke up with my tie still on in the
morning.
Day three: Mexico. I remember very little of Mexico because
they have Tequila. I love Tequila. I love Tequila. Did I say that?
I love this picture. This was my view from a bar stool at the
port bar in Costa Maya, Mexico.
We went on a four-wheel excursion where we saw a monkey in a tree from restricted vehicles. I mean, these things wouldn’t go over 30, and they still
made us wear helmets. Also, I had to pretend not to be drunk at 11am, which is
stupid, because I was hammered drunk because they sell drinks everywhere!
This bar is where Angie opened up and told me that not only
did she never want to get back together, but she had found somebody else. He
was married, and had a kid on the way. Also she had been with him while we were
briefly dating. Also she had been with her ex-boyfriend. “Camarero, uno mas, por favor!”
