So clearly it was an outright lie I told about the follow by
email link being fixed. I thought I had it figured out, but alas, I was wrong.
At this point I think it’s safe to say that I don’t really know what I’m doing
when it comes to technology. Here’s an example.
For the past few months, the turn signals in my car have
slowly but surely failing to stay on. I’ll flip the switch, you know, left or
right, and sometimes I’ll get a blink or two or maybe even fifteen out of them,
and then they stop. I will do the same thing repeatedly until I turn, but often
they will stop working altogether. I am not a fan of cars that fail to signal
turns, and I am, for the most part, now one of “those people.” It got pretty
bad in the last week so I went to an auto parts store to purchase a turn signal
relay, which is what the internet told me the most likely problem was.
Auto Zone is a nifty little place filled with things I will
never understand, or at the very least never need. It was a slow Sunday
afternoon when I went in but the line was slow moving. The cashier guy was
friendly and helpful, and he even let me watch as he searched for my part on
his computer. I bought the relay for $17 and that was two weeks ago.
Even according to the internet, it is impossible to find the
little box on a 2001 Chevrolet Cavalier (Ladies, I don’t usually brag, but it’s
got an AM/FM radio.) and I have looked absolutely everywhere. I’ve opened up
the steering column, looked in and around the fuse box, and under the hood. It
simply does not exist with the tools I own to unearth car things.
At this point I decided it wasn’t a faulty relay, rather a
bad turn signal switch. That’s the lever that sticks out of the left side on
the steering column. So, again I consulted the internet, and purchased one from
Amazon for $35, with free shipping from my Prime account. I didn’t do any
research on how to make the modification, which is usually how things explode. So,
after work on Friday (yesterday), I stopped at Walmart (go ahead and pass that
up if you get the chance to go on a Friday night at about 5PM) and purchased my
very first ratchet set. I went back to Walmart about an hour later to trade
that ratchet set for one with metric sockets, because I foolishly assumed an
American car would have standard bolts. Anywho, (I love people watching. I’m at
Nina’s Coffee Shop on Selby and Western, and there is a rather portly gentleman
with an ill-fitting wig in high heels and bright red lipstick standing in front
of me waiting for his coffee. It’s not so much him or his attire that
fascinates me, but the reaction of the people around him. But, I digress.) I
get home and park in the driveway. My landlord is in the backyard watering the
grass seeds he put down three weeks ago. He claims that the birds have eaten
all of the seeds which makes me wonder what he’s actually watering. I begin to
tear apart the steering column yet again. It looks pretty simple, and it is.
There’s only one minor problem, there’s a safety feature that makes the horn
honk when I remove the first bolt and a little metal piston makes contact with
metal on the steering wheel. Easily enough, I disable the horn by removing the
proper fuse. The switch comes out and goes back in with relative ease. I’m
proud of myself.
I turn the key into the on position, and I signal a fake
right turn which doesn’t have the desired effect on my landlord. I thought
maybe he would duck for cover. It blinks! One, two, three, four, nothing. Fuck.
Maybe I should try a left turn? Same result. It’s not a bad switch at all. I
think that probably somewhere in the depths and innards of a Cavalier is a turn
signal relay, they just don’t want me to find it.
I really don’t want to have to take it in, but I fear that’s
the only option left. But how much will it cost for them to prod and poke and
search? Too much.
Well, that’s all I’ve got for this one. If any of you who
read this can fix cars, let me know.
Get out and enjoy this beautiful weather!
