Lucky you, two blog posts in two days. This post is a perpetuation
of my last
so you may consider clicking on the blue link to start from the beginning. I
suppose when you get to the end you’ll notice that I stated that I would
patiently wait for the outcome of something that was no longer in my control,
but I am an addict, so I like to push everything.
In my former state of life, if I had been given an
opportunity to spend roughly $150,000, I wonder how long it would have taken me
to fuck it all up. Surely I would have tried to procure the loan somehow in
cash form so I could “roll it” real quick into more by buying and selling
drugs, thus ensuring a larger home, and
some money to “play with.” Well, I’m doing things a little differently with a
few years away from the hard stuff. I’m “responsible” now, it says so on the
contract I signed recently for the offer I put down on the house I love, although the terminology may have been a little different.
Yesterday we found
another house in Silver Lake that we both like, and decided we should take
a look at it to broaden our horizons on what we could/should be looking for in
houses. We both are pretty lucky in that we like most of the same things in
houses, so that makes things much easier. This house we are going to look at
today has less space, less of what we are looking for, and costs a little more
money. It has more of some things like garage space, and property. I emailed my
agent last night about looking at it and when I woke up I saw the response and I
got a little tingly.
He stated that we could see the other house but he had a
good feeling about our offer on the one we love. The selling agent had called
him to let him know that the sellers were working on the items we had asked to
be repaired before our offer was accepted. Now, that’s not an accepted offer,
but it’s great news. It gives us hope. It will also be a bigger let down if
anything else happens. I have been prepared to be let down most of my life, but
that attitude changed a while back and I
might even feel it a little bit on this one if it goes wrong.
Life will not end if we do not get this house. There are
other houses, in other neighborhoods, in other towns. Life goes on, and we keep
looking for the one. Or it all ends tomorrow at 6pm which is the offer
deadline. I will absolutely keep you posted.
On another note, I’ve been a little nervous about talking to
my parole officer about this move. Not because I’m afraid she won’t let me, but
because of the process involved in me changing counties because I am property
of the state until July 22nd. In my life, when fear crops up, I am
told by my sponsor and the Big Book that I need to address it right away, or I
will dwell on it, and that will interfere with my primary purpose of placing respectable
action and thought into the stream of life, and helping the still-suffering
alcoholic/addict. So I had to make that call. And just like everything else I
have held on to for a little too long, this was no big deal. She told me that
she wouldn’t transfer me because I am too close to the end, and that she was
fine with me moving wherever I wanted to so long as she had my address. Well,
fuck, that’s 20 solid minutes of worrying I could have avoided over the past
couple weeks.
All in all, I am in a happy place in my life. A lot of
moving pieces are moving at an incredible speed, and I’m able to handle them
with composure and sensibility. I am aware of myself and others that are in my
life, and I am able to make decisions in the best interest of everybody
involved in this endeavor. And I am not alone. I have loved ones in my corner
helping me along the way, and guiding me with the voice of God as I understand
him.
It may look as if I’m giving you people a lot of power
there, telling you that your collective voice is my God. But that’s the only
way it can all make sense to me. I know I couldn’t stay sober without the
collective voice I hear at the meetings that I attend, and deprived of the expressions
of my three ladies and my family, I would not be in the place I am now. Maybe
you can put another name on it, but I choose to call it God because it works
for me, and I am happy.
