My mother on occasion eats immitation duck meat out of a can. It's true, I've seen her do it. So why is it such a crazy idea that I try to start a failing immitation cat meat business? Have you ever seen it in your local grocery store? I think not. Imagine all of the benefits of not having to buy real cat meat. The price must be insane because I've never even seen it anywhere, including the black market. I've also never been to a black market, not to say that I don't support African American businesses, I'm just too afraid to go to those parts of town.
I got the idea for this when I was writing a letter to a friend from prison. I was disappointed when he wrote back and there was no mention of the subject. Did he steal my idea? Not a bad move as I sit in Moose Lake and he takes in all of the profits. Or, maybe he just lacked the secret recipe which consists of only pureed squirrel which is not modified in any way, then shoved into a can and labeled simply, "Cat" Meat. I think the quotations make it obvious that we're dealing with faux feline.
That's just a very brief tour through my brain and the things I come up with. I don't actually intend to start up such a business, but only because I have no start up capital. I'm willing to do the leg work if someone is willing to invest..... Could it be you?
Now, Grandma, if you're reading this, you may want to put your eyemuffs on for this next part.
Along a completely different train of thought, if I have sex with a vaccuum, and I like it, would the next logical step be to buy a Dyson? Or, would that be the end of me as a man because of their proclaimed "No loss of suction?" I can see the little clear dirt compartment filling up with red chunky bits. Ouch! Or is it love? People out there somewhere do fuck vaccuums, I'm not willing to do the research, but I'd bet there's vaccuum porn. I lied. And it didn't take long to find a video. Please don't click on this. You will regret it.
As crazy as I think my thoughts are, somebody, somewhere, at some point in time in this world has absolutely done everything there is to do. See. I'm not entirely certain that it's immitation, but I hope so.
I promise I won't always write about such strange things, but I will be bringing some different ideas to the table. If you're offended by what I write, than you're really going to hate high school. And I cannot possibly be more offensive than half the shit that's in the news these days. Am I right? Yes.
