1K

I was checking out my statistics for the new blog today and I've now had over 1,000 page views! That's a pretty good start. So, to celebrate, I thought I'd share with you something I wrote while I was in treatment during my incarceration at the CIP.

The assignment was to read the Hazelden pamphlet on pride, and list five ways I can relate it to my life in the past and what to watch out for in the future. Here goes.

1. Pride: A barrier to my recovery. Simply not asking another human being for help, trying to run my own life of sobriety without the use of meetings, a sponsor, or my family was my huge downfall which lead to the inevitable relapse after nearly five years of sobriety. I failed to utilize my support network when I needed them the most. I realize this time around not only do I need them, I need them to know what to look for that would indicate possible lapse or relapse. That way even if I fail to ask for help, my support will be there as a safety net.

2. Sick pride during recovery: Something I do to avoid talking about real issues is talk about trivial matters, joke around, or use sarcasm. I cannot let those be my main forms of communication. If I'm in trouble I need to be able to say it. I believe I've made great progress in this area over the past five months, but I must continue to monitor my thinking patterns when I leave this place. It's a constant battle within me that I vow to keep working on.

3. Personal Inventory: It has been well over ten years now since I have done a written inventory. To do that again, I need to be completely open and honest with myself about all of the people I have hurt, and all of the terrible things I have done. I have been doing this by sharing in group discussions my personal history, and in my weekly treatment assignments. I will continue this work on the outside with a sponsor.

4. Forever an addict: Who wants that brand? Well, I do, and its very important for those around me to know and understand that. People I meet will have to be informed of that fairly quickly or a relationship could take a bad turn. Just like pride, addiction is not something to be cured, but is a work in progress. No matter how many years I may have under my belt, danger is around every corner. So long as I keep going to meetings, being honest, and working with my sponsor, I stand a good chance of survival.

5. Spirituality, the foundation of recovery: How could I possibly get help from somethin I can't even see? I need a God with skin on it, and in the rooms of AA, I can get just that: a God of my understanding. I have occasionally felt God at meetings, usually in bigger crowds or when a newcomer shares their experience. And when we say the Serenity Prayer at the end. I'm saying it too. I'm part of something much greater than myself, if only for a minute or an hour. It has a long-lasting effect and I even get that same feeling here when the company belts out the CIP Philosophy in unison.

To conclude, I need help from everybody I will ever know. Some more, some less, and probably always in different ways. I also need to keep my mind open and know that pride comes before the fall.


Ok that was it. I think it made more sense to me a few months ago when I had the pamphlet in front of me, but I still saw some good points, and see that I still have a lot of work to do. Happy Black Friday!!