Blogging 101

After a lengthy unintentional hiatus, you are now once again able to get e-mail notifications when I publish new posts. You’ll have to take the same steps as you did before by going to the web version of the blog and following the instructions at the bottom of the page. I don’t know exactly what went wrong, but I did somehow make it work again. 

I haven’t written anything about prison for a while. In fact, I rarely think about being there anymore, and even when I spoke about it the other night, it felt like it had been a lifetime ago that I was in those horrible places. It’s been nearly eight months, and aside from a little hiccup and a 30-day loss of all of my freedoms, I’ve done exceptionally well out here. This is my 101^st post on this blog, so I’d like to take this opportunity to look back on what I’ve accomplished in this relatively short period of time.

Yesterday, my bosses told me that they value me as an employee, in fact, they said it has been years since they had an employee that was as motivated and hard working as me. They then gave me a $2 per hour raise which is incredible for me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn here but, Beep Beep, that’s pretty fucking awesome! I have worked my ass off every day since they gave me a job just three weeks out of prison. The work is often frustrating and repetitive, but I show up and I don’t complain because I am grateful to be working full-time.

I have a car that looks like it’s been through my life. It’s cost me so much recently that I could have bought a much nicer car if I had spent the money I had to on new tires, brakes and rotors, and a high-mileage oil change, all at the same time as a down payment. But, it’s mine. It’s in my name, it’s insured, and I have my license, all things that are less common in recovery than in the normal world. I spent all of that money and I could afford to do it and have money left over to spend on necessities. I’m never broke, and that’s huge.

I moved out of my mom’s house. Again. Some of you probably did that for the last time in your teens, and I think that is pretty normal. I’ve done it a couple times in my teens, a couple more in my twenties, and again in my thirties. I want this to be the last time, so I need to work hard to keep on the straight and narrow. I think I’m doing alright so far.

I have rekindled relationships with my family. Some I communicate with and see more often than others, but I am part of the whole again, and I can tell you that I can see now what I was missing out on for all of those years. I’m no longer afraid of them finding out all of my terrible little secrets. They know, and they accept me for who I am and what I’ve been through. I love them. I love you guys!

I’ve gotten over my fear of being around people and in public places. That was a tough one. For months I had trouble looking people in the eye and having normal conversations. Actually, I still have some difficulty, but it’s getting better. Anxiety doesn’t seem to rule my life anymore. My favorite part of every week is going to my home group and gathering for fellowship afterward with a group that has become very close over the past few months. I hope this continues for many years.

That’s a lot of progress in just under eight months. I am excited to see what the future holds. I know I have a lot of work left, but I am up for the challenge. I don't have everything I want yet, but I have everything I need. I’m loving life.

Time to Make a Move

Again, I must interrupt my series of posts on jobs because a rather important event is about to happen in my life and I absolutely want to share it with you. Just shy of seven months as a free man, I am happy to report that, as a 37-year-old, I am moving out of my mother's home. Again. Maybe for the fourth time in my life, and hopefully for the last.

I alluded to this in my last post but not before because I didn't want to get overexcited about it until it was actually approved by my agents. Now it is official, and I can proudly relate this information to you: I AM MOVING! This Saturday, in fact. Just two short days from now.

I have actually written about this move before, but as a failed attempt at leaving the nest possibly too early. I'm moving into a house with two sober guys from the program, one of which I was in prison with, and I've worked with for some time. He no longer works with me, but we remain friends. I don’t know the other guy, but he’s sober, and that counts for a lot.

I’ve been to see the house once. It’s small as you can see in the picture I haven’t added yet, but I’ll have my own room, so it isn’t like a sober house environment. There isn’t a house manager that watches over us, or anybody to give us random shakedowns and breathalyzers. I have my agents for that. This is a step forward.

It couldn’t come at a better time, in my opinion, as I will be moving on to the next phase of I.S.R. on the 9^th of April. That will open up a lot more time that I can spend doing things that I want to do like go to more meetings, and spending more time with my family. I am also finishing the last three hours of my community service this Sunday, which I believe I mentioned previously.

It’s all lining up. Everything is going well in so many ways. So I need to be really careful. For somebody like me, good news can be all I need to trick myself into thinking I deserve a reward. Maybe I can go out and celebrate with just one drink, or just a little crack (“A little” crack doesn’t actually exist. It’s an all or nothing drug. For more information, go here). I mean, at this point I’ve built myself a pretty good network of people that I can reach out to if the urge hits me, but it’s always good to layer on the protection.

This disease of mine can also be described as an allergy. When I drink or do drugs, things just go haywire. My body responds differently to them than normal people. Also, my allergy in particular is a little more severe than say, a gluten allergy. Oh, also I don’t believe that’s a real allergy, but I’m not a Doctor. Anyhow, let’s say that somebody with a gluten allergy accidentally ingests some flour. Well, maybe an hour or so later, they fart a little and that causes some slight discomfort or embarrassment. Well, when I ingest a little alcohol, or maybe some meth, my world flips upside down. I can no longer take care of myself financially, mentally, or physically. And this allergy affects others, too. For example, if I smoke crack, you may no longer have a television, and some of your smaller valuables may go missing, as well.

Simply put, chemicals make me not give a fuck about you or me. And I’d really like to avoid all of that so that’s why I’ve immersed myself in this program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I’m not worried about relapsing because of my new place and my new freedoms, I’m excited to see what I can do with them. And I’m really happy to be able to share of this with you people. And for you that are new to this blog, I encourage you to see where it all started almost two years ago with just five pieces of writing paper, and a 3” flexible safety pen behind the unforgiving bars at St. Cloud Men’s Reformatory/State Prison. Until next time…