Fat to Fit?

I can’t say that I’ve been incredibly busy, but I’ve had more going on that usual which has left less time for writing. I will try to find more time to do that, I promise. My readership stats have plummeted which has prompted me to write something before work on this fine Wednesday morning.

I’ve had some troubles staying focused on exercise since my release from boot camp where P.T. was mandated. It’s easy to get up at 5:20am and run when a prison guard says that if you don’t, you can’t go home. Now that I’m home, it’s nice to sleep until 7:00 and spend my morning drinking coffee and hanging out with Willie. Well, that has all changed.

At least for now, it has. I finally purchased a gym membership at La Fitness. It sat me back a bit but I think that may have been the motivation I needed to get going on a workout plan. As I sit here this morning with my coffee and computer on my lap, I can hardly bend my arms. The first couple times I’ve maybe overdone it.

I don’t know how some people can never run and then just get up and go five miles. I think even after four months of running at boot camp I went seven laps one time. That would have been the one and only time I went that distance. I’ve been happy with a couple miles to start out on the treadmill. I was thrilled that I found my breath right away, but was unhappy with how much I was sweating. I hate sweating. I would prefer to run in a freezer, or in winter, or never, but I must keep it up if I want to lose some weight which is the goal of all of this.

After running I’ve been going down to the weight training area and doing some light lifting. I don’t like free-weights mostly because I don’t know anybody there and I’m such an introvert I wouldn’t dare strike up a conversation with a stranger because surely I would look like an idiot. Also the free-weight room is filled with guys that could probably lift my car whereas I would be happy lifting the bar. Anyway, I do burnout sets which is where you start on let’s say 100 pounds and do 10 reps’. You go down ten pounds and immediately do ten more, and so on. By the time you get down to 10 pounds your muscles are on fire and it feels like you’re trying to lift the whole stack. It feels great, but I’m paying for it now.

In other news, there sure is a lot going on with this 6-month sentence for a rapist. I’ve posted a few times my opinions on light sentences for sexual assaults. You know, the idea behind such harsh prison terms for first time drug offenders is that they get the message. Well, I got it. So, why can’t the same theory be applied to rapists? I just don’t get it, and apparently judges don’t either. But before you write your rant on what should happen to this college swim/rapist—and there are a lot of them all over Facebook—maybe take a little time to write (or copy and paste as has become the median these days) something to the survivor. Or, all survivors. It would appear that she has been lost in all of this. As far as the case is concerned, what’s done is done, the sentence will not be overturned. I like that society has banded together to make sure his name is being dragged through the mud, but don’t forget who’s already been hurt. She has years to go, and seeing his face all over social media will assuredly make it worse. She knows he’s a rapist, and she knows she’s been raped. Now work with that. Post something inspirational, something she, and all survivors, can relate to. Read her victim impact letter first, it’s one of the most powerful tools a victim has, and unfortunately in this case it was overlooked. It’s powerful. If you haven’t read it yet, you may want to sit down in a quiet place to do it, and bring a box of Kleenex. I’ll leave you with that.

Day Care Molester Spared Prison Sentence

Did that get your attention? It got mine. Of course it wasn't on the front page of the Pioneer Press, but in back with the other court reports. I think the words, "Day Care Child Molester" might scare people when Christmas Shopping is so important.

I do harbor some resentments toward our criminal justice system for just that. Thousands of first time drug offenders are currently locked up in Minnesota prisons. I was one of them. I was guilty, there was no question about that. I plead guilty and as one of the terms I agreed to allocute to my crime. I spelled it all out for the prosecutor and the judge, and I added that I should be held accountable for my actions. For that, I was sentenced to 50 months. Now, I only served 15 of those in prison, the last six of which I was in boot camp. But now I'm on house arrest out here. ISR (Intense Supervised Release) is reserved for graduates of boot camp, and repeat sex offenders. I don't like being grouped in with them in ANY way. But here I am.


Here are some recent examples of how lenient judges  are on sex-offenders:

Matthew John Rich, of Ramsey County touched a seven year old girl inappropriately on two occasions in 2007. He was living at his mothers house where she ran a daycare. Fortunately for the girl, the statute of limitations had not run out when she worked up the courage to speak about the incidents. He was sentenced to 21 months in prison, but the sentence was stayed and he was put on probation for 25 years. A long time, yes, but he has the chance to repeat his actions.

Thomas Lawrence Monson, a building caretaker in Mounds View, put a camera in a female Tennant's bathroom. He was charged with interfering with privacy, given one year of probation, and if he successfully completed that, the charge will be removed from his record. Good for him. I'm sure he only put the camera up for her safety.

And finally, Peter Matthew Ripka was charged with four felony counts of electronic solicitation of a child. He's 30, and engaged in sexual conversations with four girls ages 13 to 15. He asked sexually explicit questions and persuaded one of them to send him a naked picture. For all of that, he was sentenced to 90 days in jail. Fortunately for him, Judge Judith Tilsen was feeling kind and decided to let him serve that on electronic home monitoring. Don't worry though, he needs permission to use the internet, and he will be on probation for three years.

Why do sex offenders get such leniency? They may not take lives, but don't they take away dignity, pride, and a sense of safety in the world? When a rapist is convicted, does the victim go back to normal life? I think not. There is fear around every corner. Hesitation with any potential partner. And years of recovery in therapy. In a way, that is taking a life. Certainly it is taking away happiness from a life.

I've learned a lot over the last 18 months. My incarceration will have an ever lasting effect on me in every decision I make. So why not send sex offenders to prison more often? Maybe, just maybe, it might break them like it broke me. And only from there could I build myself back up.

Hurt

     Today the woman I've been seeing made the decision to stop what we had going. Did it come out of left field? No, sadly. But it still hurt.

     It made more sense than it didn't. I am simply so restricted in my life because of some terrible choices I've made in the past. I get a total of eight hours of free time per week. Other than that, the only time we can be together is here in my mom's house, which has become awkward for all of us.

     I respect the fact that she cut it off before I became too attached. And there's always a chance things could happen later on down the road. I really do like her. I've been in so few relationships in life, it felt so good to be wanted. But I was stuck here, and couldn't give myself to her. I couldn't even sleep over at her place for another ten months from now, provided of course I didn't move in with her. But neither of us was ready for that. Well.... Ok I was.

     I need to be in a better place in life so I can go do normal things. This I.S.R. DOES NOT allow for me to do that. In four months, just short of that actually, I will be far less restricted. I will be on curfew for six months, but I'm free to do what I please from 6:30AM-10:30PM, seven days per week. I think that will be the taste of freedom I've been looking for. I feel more imprisoned now than I did in the six months at C.I.P. You may think that sounds crazy, but.... Try it. Nothing, and I mean nothing that I learned in boot camp other than in treatment and once in a while out in communities being of service, prepared me for any real-life situation or experience.

     Sure, I'm grateful for the early release I was given. You know what's really frustrating though is reading any news article about sex-offenders. I saw yesterday one about a father who drugged his teenage daughters friend, then sexually assaulted her. He got ten months in jail. Ten months.... In county jail. And he will be on probation, not ISR or parole, back in the community.

Wow I really changed gears there didn't I?! Well, its been a badday, and I feel like I've fallen down. But I will get back up. I always do. And I will keep moving forward, because that's what I have to do. I'm the fuckin' man.