2018 was the most stimulating, expensive, and rewarding year
of my life so far. It took me forty years to have the best year ever, and I
would like to keep this forward trend moving. But first, let’s look back at
2018: the year of the woman, the dog, and the lord according to a Google search
I just did.
On January 1st, 2018 I took a big step in my
relationship by moving in with my girlfriend and her two children. It was a small apartment in a western second-ring suburb, not technically affiliated
with the cities, and about 1,000 feet west of the dividing line of Hennepin and
Wright counties. That was a long pointless sentence; it’s something I’ve
committed to work on in this New Year. Anyhow, I moved to Delano because I was
ready to move my life headlong with another human being, who happened to have
two little humans of her own. It was a rough start, and I wondered if I had
made the right choice, but the girls grew on me, and I really enjoyed being accountable
as a “daddy-figure.” I started taking on more responsibility with the girls and
we bonded over science experiments and homemade mac-n-cheese.
Things moved quickly, and I attended a first-time homebuyer’s
workshop on March 10th, not really with any intention of making any
more sudden moves, but with keen interest in the process. In that seminar I met
the man who would end up finding me the loan for the home we would all move in
to together (not the mortgage broker, me and the girls) in June after a long
and stressful loan application process, wallpaper removal, and a big move.
Finally, on May 19th, we were in our new home.
A new home comes with new bills, more responsibility for the
area around the house (like a lawn and a driveway), more bills, and more bills.
I paid a lot of attention to the seminar but I think they could have emphasized
even more the initial financial burden of buying a home. For example, there are
things called tools (hammer, screwdriver, a different hammer, and wrench) that
I owned none of. had to buy them. I didn’t know how to fix, repair, build, or maintain anything.
I had to pay for that. I didn’t know the terms for anything, and up until May 19th, houses were
just walls, wood, and a roof, but as it turns out, they are all made of other
parts, none of which I knew anything about. With the aid of some very helpful
and knowledgeable neighbors, I have made a few simple repairs on my own—sometimes
under supervision—and so far, none have exploded or broken.
We’ve been here over six months now, and money still scares
me a little. We have some savings, money in our accounts, and the girls have
everything they need, but I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen if a
major appliance breaks down in the next couple years. I try not to worry about
it, but I have to be mentally prepared for the worst case because that’s been
engrained in my brain for so long. I’m slowly fading away from those old
thoughts and behaviors, but fears are real, and most often valid subjectively. We will cross
that road when we get to it; it just needs to be a road with a bag of money on
it.
For the first time in my life, I will have only one W-2.
This is significant because it will be easier to do my taxes, and I didn’t quit
or lose a job for any reason. I foresee some changes in my life in the next
year jobwise if I can’t move forward in my current position, but for now I am happy at
work. Ideally, I would like to find a way to work with addicts and alcoholics, but I don't have a fancy college degree, and I am a pretty good line cook. But I'm forty, and I don't think I'm being as useful to humanity as I could be. I'll keep my eyes and ears open for opportunity to be more useful, and hopefully make more money.
I turned 40.
I went through an incredibly painful tattoo removal and re-ink process for which I will simply share this link because it was it's own post and I've already written enough on it, and there are a lot of cool pictures.
My mother and I published a book! I've promoted it plenty, and we haven't become millionaires yet, but we have sold a few, and given a few away. I hope the message contained in those pages reaches who those it needs to.
I shared in a meeting this weekend how wonderful it’s been to start
noticing trends in my life. Like this is the third year in a row I was able to
celebrate Christmas/Channukkhakhhh with my family, this is the second holiday
season I’ve spent with the girls, and the fourth Christmas without drugs and
alcohol. I then recalled that before these trends, there were negative trends,
like two Christmas/New Year’s chained to a cage, but more staggering, eight
previous holidays chained to a bottle. That’s ten in a row without my family, without
the light of loved ones, void of self-love and filled with anger and resentment
because of the choices I used to make. I was lost. I was broken. I was a fucking mess.
Now I am here-I'm present, I’m alive, and in just over three years of
freedom I’ve accumulated a life that I have only dreamed possible. I have
family, real friends, new neighbors who are becoming friends, responsibility, motivation, and light. I can see. I can
see where I went wrong and I actively pursue a solution to my problems both
past and present. I have not just pulled myself up, I have helped others pull
themselves up, and given them the same opportunity to pass along the wisdom I
have cultured.
2018 has been the best year of my life so far. So long as I
keep doing what I’m doing in the rooms of recovery to be a better man out here, these beautiful things will
keep happening. What a blessing to have to be worried about replacing
appliances in a home when just five years ago I was a homeless meth addict. What a wonder it is that I can leave my house when four years ago I could not leave my cell. What
a miracle this life of mine is. I want to keep it. So I must keep working for it.
Here are some 2018 highlights:
