I recently passed a milestone at work. As of August 8th,
I have been there for 90 days. As is the idea of being sober (not just being
sober, there’s actually a lot more that needs to be done as you maybe have read
over the past (almost three years. (Has it been nearly three years since my first post already? Holy shit!)), things just keep getting better. I now have
medical, dental, and vision insurance like most of you “normies” have had for
years. Maybe it doesn’t even sound like a big deal, but it is to me.
This is a life transformed from the days where I was not
only uninsured for my life and body, but any vehicle I was in. I didn’t have my
license, but I drove (packed to the gills with drugs and cash.). I didn’t have
medical insurance, but I polluted my body with every chemical I could find. I
didn’t have vision insurance, and I couldn’t see. I did not have dental
insurance, but surely I ate crystal meth. Somehow I made it out alive from that
lifestyle, but it wasn’t for lack of trying to die.
About a year-and-a-half ago, I strolled into the University Of
Minnesota School Of Dentistry, which is where people go if they are uninsured.
It had been a decade since I had seen a mouth doctor, and I was expecting the
worst. Somehow, I had made it ten years without developing a cavity; possibly
due to the incredible sums of alcohol I ingested, and I was given a routine
cleaning and they fixed up a few teeth. If you’ve never read this
post it gives you a better idea of where I was almost two years ago. It’s
also from the old blog, and there’s some good stuff associated with it if you
navigate around a bit.
Anyhow, I have an appointment with my new dentist coming up
on Thursday, and I’m a little worried that my obsession with sugar might have
an adverse effect on my oral hygiene. We shall see, and you will read what I
will write. Right?
It’s been a taxing summer. I’ve been working roughly 50
hours-per-week for a while now and it does take a toll. This week however, I
have an extra day off. This Thursday I will be taking an A.A. meeting to the
Ramsey County Detox Center with a few friends from my home group. This will be
my first time doing such a thing, and I am hopeful that we are able to convey our
message with buoyancy. As an alcoholic, I am sometimes prone to selfishness. As
much as I hope we are able to “save” a few struggling alcoholics from taking that
next drink, I am hopeful to get something out of this as well. I’ve never been
in detox myself, but I should have been countless times. It will be tough to
see the condition that these people are in, and that’s what I need to see to
remind myself of what I was, and what I can be if I ever think I can pick up
that first drink.
The only thing I have control over is that first beer
or shot. As soon as it goes in, the animal instinct takes over and the day is
done, the week is gone, and the years fly by in a fit of alcoholic fury. There
is no longer sanity, morality, or me. I am just gone.
That is why I must continue to do what I do: I want to be
me. I want to live. Life is love, and I love life.
