Today I realized that I still have no idea what I’m doing in
the role of a parent. I know, I am not a parent, but I play one on TV. Fine, that's not true.
Intermittently, I will have the opportunity to spend an
entire day with the girls. Today Amanda works a double and she left early this
morning and my day began. I fed them, dressed them, changed diapers wherever
necessary, and even gathered the contents of something called a “diaper bag”
which must always contain so much more than just diapers which is so deceiving
it’s not even fair. They should call it a diaper wipe juice pouch Shopkins
snack blanky Kleenex banana bag. That would be more informative and accurate.
Anyhow, I packed that bag and we left Delano for the big city.
The big city is what the oldest girl calls anything east
of Delano. She’s pretty spot-on, but this time we headed for Minneapolis to
have lunch with my mom at Theodore Wirth Regional Park and playground. When we
arrived the girls both saw the latter of the aforementioned depiction and
pulled me toward the swings as fast as they could. We swung, we twirled, and we
climbed. Well, we didn’t, but they
did.
After a while my mom snagged a picnic table and setup for a
nice afternoon meal. She brought cheese, potato salad, tomatoes, a pineapple,
pickles, bread, and mustard. Pickles were a hit with the girls, as was the
pineapple. I had a talk the day before with Ella about being polite when being
offered food that she knows she will not like. That conversation was well received
at the time, but it all went out the window when potato salad was introduced to
her plate. I tried to remind her of that discussion, but she remained phased.
This is when I become conscious that I have had enormous difficulty
communicating with these children, especially the oldest. I think and act
logically, or as I see logic in a situation or thought. Children do not think
logically, they don’t get that I do, and that most of what I say to them is probably
received as incomprehensible because it goes against what they think would be a
more fun alternative. What the hell am I going on about?
I read somewhere recently that kids need to spend most of
their time just being kids. When they are playing, they are learning. I get
that, and I need to incorporate some more of that style in with my rigid,
hardline approach to certain areas of their lives like… eating. My mom pointed
out today that no matter what they eat, they keep growing and they don’t
starve. That makes way more sense than telling them they can’t leave the table
until they eat their vegetables, or threatening to take away toys if they don’t
“listen better.”
I’m not saying I’m mean: we have a ton of fun and I get hugs
all day and there is a general feel of happiness throughout this household. I’m
saying that I’m learning how to be a parent and I’m not getting everything
right. I need to be okay with imperfectionism. I devised that term just now and
it means this: I know that I will not always do everything perfectly, or even
above average, and I should be okay with it and expect the same from others. This
applies especially to children.
After lunch we went for a nice walk through the thawing
woods where I contemplated my new theory on parenting. And when we eventually
left the park after another hour on the jungle gyms, even though neither of the
girls ate much for lunch, I took them out for ice cream. Not as a reward, not because
I was making up something to them, but because I love them, and I want to see
them happy. Maybe I'm not so bad after all.
