I’m still here. It’s not even that I’ve run out of material
on which to write, it’s that I’ve been using my time less selfishly. When I
first started writing, it served as a platform to air out my laundry in a way
that wasn’t perceived (by me) as so personal; it was just a story on the internet. Then
I decided to go public with the blog, venture out on my own, and the format
changed to a life of recovery after prison. Now that there's somebody else in my life, I've felt restricted as to what I can and should write. But that will change with time.
My life is different again. I’m still in recovery. In fact,
my sober life takes up quite a bit of my time as I now have four sponsees and a
sponsor all of whom I try to meet with weekly, along with a home group and
another meeting I attend on a weekly basis. I have a service commitment in my
home group as always. I am the 7th tradition coordinator. The 7th
tradition states that every AA group
ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. This is
usually the time in the meeting that the baskets are passed around as we
collect money to pay for rent and lights and coffee, etc. It also means that we
are completely self-contained in our group. We do all of the work including
setup, cleaning, and business duties. There’s actually quite a lot that goes on
behind the closed doors of AA, none of the specifics of which I can share with
you however. Did that sentence make sense? I hope not. Let’s move on.
I’ve made big changes at work. I was promoted obliquely
which means that there is no raise associated with the new responsibilities. I
coined that term just now, and I like it. I now work the 6am-2pm shift Tuesday
through Friday, and Sunday. I am a morning person and this really works with my
schedule and what I do with my life outside of work and recovery. I am now a
breakfast cook again. This is my third stint behind the omelet pan, but my
first in roughly a decade. I am also now
the “soup man” which is great in its special way because I get to use some
creativity in that I get throw leftovers in a pot and boil the flavors
together. Can you tell if I’m being sarcastic? Neither can I. My alarm time of
5am does come early most days, but I get out of bed and trudge on anyhow
because I don’t shirk responsibility anymore. I’m only a week into these new
hours, so maybe it will catch up to me, but for now I am happy.
Most important of all is my life with the girls. Each day I
am blessed to have these three hearts to wake up to, to come back to, and to
enjoy life with. I spend nearly all of my time here, and there’s talk of
spending all of my time here, not because it’s convenient, but because it feels
right. There’s not just talk, there’s action. In order for me to make a move
this far away from my county of commitment, I had to have the idea approved by
the Department of Corrections, which it was. Making a move 50 minutes west is a
big decision, and I have considered it carefully. I’m not looking for approval
or guidance, just acceptance. So there you have it.
I will continue to write once I have come up with a more
current theme as it relates to my life in recovery, life in a relationship with
a married woman, and the daily struggles with children that look up to me for
love and tolerance. Until then, I will continue to be grateful for everything I
have in my life. I believe I have been growing in a spiritual sense. I have the best comprehension of a God that I have ever had. That doesn't mean that I believe in God, it means that I believe I am not God, and I am capable of loving and being loved, and that I spend my time putting good into the stream of life because of the feeling I get in return. Maybe in that way I am selfish.
