It’s Christmas eve…eve. That’s the latest possible time of
day on the day before Christmas. I can’t make it any clearer than that. It’s
actually only 8pm, but that’s about how late I make it up these days.
Today I spent the day with my girlfriend and her daughters
where we opened up presents and cooked meals and even prepared a family meal
for her mother and her brother who spent the second half of the day with us.
This was the Christmasiest thing I think I’ve ever done outside of the routine
blood-relative holiday celebrations. We did something similar at my mom’s house
last week, but we hosted this festivity:
a first for us together.
Last night, the youngest daughter—whilst restlessly shifting
around in her high-chair—fell to the floor with a thump. Quick to action, momma
gasped and ran over to her baby lying on the ground before I had even realized
the gravity of the situation. As I looked at her, from four feet up in the air,
I could see a knot tying on her forehead. In my paradigm, I could see it
pulsing with every heartbeat, and changing color quicker than a chameleon. In
truth, it was pretty bad, and it did swell up quickly, but she cried it out in
two minutes, and we iced it down for about an hour which helped the swelling go
down to a manageable bump.
My first thought told me that we were going to be
celebrating from a hospital. I was scared, and for the first time I realized
that I was afraid not for fear of me losing something or not getting something,
but afraid for the wellbeing of a child. This is a healthy fear. You people don’t
really have to deal with sorting out fears like that, but I do. As an addict, I
was only ever worried about myself. I only cared for my needs and wants, and I
acted accordingly. Through years of retraining myself and fixing my past and
present mistakes alike, I have found that if I put others first in my thoughts
and actions, the world around me is a better place.
Tomorrow we separate for the day as our families hold their respective
Christmas gatherings at the same time. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, and
we will be back together in no time at all. In just a few short minutes I will
get to help play Santa Clause for the first time in my life. Last night we
wrapped all of the gifts from “him” and tonight, before we go to bed, I will
eat both of the cookies the girls left out for him, and dump out the milk
because, quite frankly, milk is kind of gross, and place their new gifts under
the tree. There will be much excitement in the morning, and I will be part of a
new happiness that is unfamiliar still, yet quickly growing on me in my new
role.
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all was quiet
Santa Vince is ‘bout to diet
On the cookies and milk left out for Saint Nick
My girlfriend won’t let me type an inappropriate sentence
involving her and ending with the word dick.
Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate, and happy days
to all who don’t: I hope all of you love your life the way it is, and if you
don’t…. Well, change it.
