Finding time to write has been rather difficult over the
past month, to say the least. Work has been hectic, and it feels like the girls
have been out of school and daycare for weeks, which I suppose is partially
true. Yesterday I put in my longest day of the year, as I always do on New Year’s
Eve. The club has its annual elaborate last dinner before the (some of the) members go off to
their cozy cottages in Arizona and Florida, and for the next three months, we
recover, create, and plan for the coming summer.
Here at home, I’ve been working on a project—since before
the wedding, Amanda might add—that has tested my patience and my pride, but it
would appear that I am winning and have made significant progress over the past
week or so.
I decided on a warm
summer evening that I wanted to see what was behind the wood paneling in our
basement, so I peeked. Then I peeled, and then I demolished the entire wall. I
wanted to put up drywall so as to modernize at least part of the unfinished
basement, so a neighbor came to help me put up a frame on which we could attach
said gypsum board. Whilst building the frame, the radiator in front of the
project sprung a leak, and emptied the contents of our heating system onto the
basement floor, requiring an HVAC worker to spend significant time sealing and
re-charging the system. While he was here, I had him replace some old and
deteriorating pipes since they would all be sealed back up in the ceiling
presumably for the rest of my life. I also had them move the radiator out
another three inches so we could more easily maneuver around it while working.
Problem solved. I am grateful we have plenty in savings for such emergencies,
and I must say that our heat appears to be working much more efficiently—or at
the very least less expensively.
Some time passed after the wedding, and the project lay in
repose for months until finally I got the bug to start up again. The frame is
finished—again with much assistance—and I even ran new wiring and outlet and
sconce boxes along the wall. It looks good. It looks ready for drywall. Now,
don’t tell anybody about the wiring I did because I don’t exactly know the
rules about wiring your own home. It’ll be our secret.
In the next few days the Sheetrock will go up, we will tape,
mud, and sand, then prime and paint. Next up is the trim, ceiling repair, and
we will be ready for carpeting. We will then have significant finished space in
the basement, as top, bottom, and walls will all be in place.
I wrote all of that telling no jokes, which isn’t really
like me. It’s 6:43am, and I’ve been up for over two hours. It’s been a trend as
of late, for me to get up early. I’m usually out of bed and moving around
before 5am. I’m not overly tired during the day, but I definitely go to bed
earlier than I did in my younger days, and I go to sleep days earlier than I
did when on meth.
2019 was a rough year for our family. I’ve written that it
included four funerals and we lost the family dog. It was also a year of
happiness, as Amanda and I married, and we became an official family. The girls
are wild-non-stop, but it’s a cheerful chaos that I love coming home to. They
look up to me—because I am way taller than them—and I support them in every way
possible. Little Emme started pre-K this year (for which we are responsible for
payment?) and she is making waves of progress, albeit in semi-frustrating increments.
Counting to ten was hard for her until recently, which was difficult to deal
with because I can count well into the lower 50’s only missing one or two
numbers. She’s progressing as any normal kid does, and we are very proud of
her.
Ella is in dance and Girl Scouts, and she loves math and
reading. She is an incredible artist and is loving toward her
friends and family. She’s curious about the world, and is eager to explore the
big cities.
Amanda, my wife, has succeeded in her new job as F&B
Manager (a title we believe only exists on her business card.) She, too, has
made leaps and bounds coming out of her shell, and being more open and
communicative with me. She has an understanding that I care about her
thoughts and opinions, and that I value her as my partner in this little
family. We parent well together, although imperfectly. Every day the learning
curve seems to adjust or tilt upside down altogether, but we make it through,
and face another day.
I made it through another calendar year without a drink or a
drug. This past Thursday I went to the county jail to bring a meeting to the
inmates inside. Some days are better than others in these meetings, and this
one was particularly rough in that there was a lot of pain in the room that needed
to be addressed. I only get an hour, and I will likely never see them again,
and my only hope is that they glean one thing that at least makes them think
that there is hope.
After a man spoke about what I perceived as unresolved
resentments involving nearly everybody in his life, I told him about how I used
to hang on to that shit, too. And after some time in prison, a few meetings,
and some step-work, I was able to let go of it, and actually repair the
relationships I had with those I had harmed. The 4th step is pretty
amazing; it gives one the opportunity to see the mistakes you made in a
relationship, so you know what you need to make amends for later. It lets you
turn the page on how others have wronged you, and opens the door for restoration.
After my speech, he remained quiet. Introspectively, I hope he understood that
he could have his family and friends back with a lot of hard work, and some
significant abstinence.
I apologize daily for things I have done, whether I think I am
wrong or not. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to win a fight. I’d rather be
happy than right, and I’m not always right so I guess I’ll shoot for happy in
2020.
One last thought. Restraint of pen and tongue has gotten me
through some situations that could have been escalated by angry verbiage. They
say hindsight is 20/20, so how about this year, wait. Don’t react; just take a
day to think about what somebody has said or done to you, and use your
hindsight real-time. It might save you from resentment, which will inevitably
lead to anger, unproductivity, and diarrhea.
Happy New Year, everybody! May this be your best year yet.
