For a while there I think I was feeling homesick. I think a
better word might be homergoup-sick, but that isn’t a term; it’s a sentiment. I
missed the jostle and hubbub of a large group of people in recovery. Before I
moved to the sticks, I was very active in AA, meaning that I spent a lot of
time working with other addicts and alcoholics, and actively seeking out people
I could help by bringing meetings to detox centers and treatment facilities. I
love that shit. I have written a few times recently this same romanticism, and
I have discussed it openly with my girlfriend and within my new homegroup with
a few men. This week was no different.
We started the meeting as we always do, by reading a few
laminated sheets that are traditionally read at many meetings. I happened to be
leading this meeting of five men, and when I asked for a topic, somebody
suggested sponsorship.
For those of you who don’t know, a sponsor is somebody in a
12-step program who has some sobriety time, and who has been through the first
164 pages of the Big Book—ideally with their sponsor. I always recommend finding
somebody with a few years, somebody who contributes to every meeting—not just
by sharing insight, but taking out the trash, making coffee, and putting a few
dollars in the basket when it goes around. These are all good signs that
somebody is working a good program.
Anyhow, my turn came, and I talked about how I don’t see my
sponsor anymore, and I don’t talk to him as much as I should, and none of the
men that I sponsor call me anymore because of the move. And then I stopped. And
right then and there in that room I had a realization. All of that work that I
did with all of those people for all of those years was so I could be who I am
now, and be of maximum usefulness to those around me, not just in recovery, but
in life. The 12th step states: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all of
our affairs.”
I want to look at the second half of that sentence because I
think I have written for a couple years on the first. Every time I sit in front
of this computer I am trying to reach the addict who still suffers. Every
meeting I go to, I raise my hand when it’s asked if anybody is willing to
sponsor. And I answer the calls of anybody, anytime, who needs my help. My
message these days is hopefully one of inspiration. I have been through what
many people are going through now, and every one of them is capable of getting
to where I am now. By no means am I
saying that my path is the only one, many people have made it many different
ways.
I still haven’t even reached my point, and I could type
forever on this and the other subject I wanted to write about today, but I will
focus on the rest of the step. It says that I have to try to practice these
principles in all of my affairs. I’ll opine that I think this means that I
should take everything I have learned—as a result of working each individual
step—and transfer them from inside the rooms of AA out into the real world.
Particularly, I’d like to focus on the culmination of what we become after our
transformation because of the steps. Somewhere in the pages of step ten, it
states that love and tolerance of others is our moral code. This is it. This is
what we must do from now on wherever we go.
This might be particularly tough these days. I will
personalize this and say that I must constantly refrain from commenting on
horrible things people say and post on the almighty Facebook regarding a
current high-ranking politician. In fact, this paragraph feels a little
passive-aggressive and I think I’m going to stop it in its tracks.
The point is, no matter what, I need to be loving and
tolerant of all other people I encounter. This is especially true in my home
life where I think I am needed more that I am needed these days in a meeting
that is over an hour away. There are people there that can help the newcomer. I
need to be here with my family playing, laughing, and loving.
I am now content with my meeting of a few guys every week because
we can talk about the same things that have hurt us all, and work toward the
betterment of our kind. And, maybe someday, somebody new will walk through the
doors and I can offer my knowledge. That is all up to the God of my
understanding, for whom my understanding is very incomplete.
I spoke in that meeting for maybe five minutes, and when I
was done, a wave of calm overcame me and I knew that I was ok. I knew I had
worked thoroughly to get into the spot I was in, and I knew then that
maintenance was the key to my future. I will continue to call my sponsor when I
can, and I will always be willing to help somebody in need. And in between
those occurrences, you can find me outside with my beautiful ladies, soaking up
the sun, laughing, and enjoying this beautiful life we have all created.
