I’ve been reading an incredible book lately, the subject of
which I used to know all too well. I find myself caught in the pages of a previous
existence and I wonder how I ever thought the way I did, and did the things I
thought I could get away with. I’ve seen an extraordinary evolution of an
aspiring writer, and I am amazed that I’ve been able to keep it up for so many
years after that trauma.
Two nights ago, I was reading about a few times I got pulled
over carrying bountiful felonies on my person and remaining calm and leaving
the scene with no more than a warning. The very next morning—yesterday—I was
pulled over.
I knew he had me dead to rights when I saw his reflectors
ahead as I rounded a corner doing 55 in a 45. I braked, but his tail lights
illuminated and I could see his headlights highlight the road in front of him
as his vehicle came from hibernation to life. I was going 45 when I passed him
on the shoulder and that’s when the red and blue emergency lights began to
strobe, and a feeling of terror overwhelmed me briefly. It was only a matter of
seconds before I realized that I had nothing to fear. Nothing I had done, nor
anything I was in possession of, could get me arrested that morning.
I immediately pulled over to the shoulder and into a
driveway that leads to the police station he was parked in front of. I always
want the officer to feel safe when he approaches my vehicle, so I do that, and
roll down my window, and turn off the car then wait for him with my hands on
the wheel.
He greeted me, told me how fast I was going, and asked for
my credentials. I told him I didn’t think that was any of his business and
asked if there was any way I could get out of a ticket and then I winked at him
sexy-like. Since that didn’t happen, I informed him that I would have to reach
into my back right pocket for my wallet which he endorsed. I then told him I
would have to do some digging for the insurance card because I was in my
girlfriend’s car, and he said he would be back.
It all happened so fast, I didn’t have time to tell him how
neat it was to be pulled over for the first time in my life completely legal.
Of course, he didn’t know anything about me, but he didn’t seem too worried at
any point and let me go with a verbal warning.
This is the same route I take to work every day, and on
occasion, there is an officer posted in that very spot. I was in the wrong for
speeding, and it could have been worse. I can’t afford a speeding ticket, so it
would befit me to drive more carefully in the future, even when I think nobody
is looking.
There is no way to explain the fear I felt if only for a
moment, but it was real even if I was never in any danger. I’m well past the
point of being afraid of going back to prison for a technical violation, but I
think a fear of those bright lights will always strike a nerve, even when I’ve
been good.
