Tuesday, June 26, 2018

For


At the time of this post, we will be on our first full day of our two-part vacation. It’s the first trip I’ve taken in over a year, and I have been looking forward to the break for quite some time. That’s all irrelevant. Well, it isn’t, but this post is more important than an update on my whereabouts.

Today is the anniversary of the first day of my new life: I am four years old. I say that because in many ways I didn’t start learning how to cope with life until four years ago and some might say I react like a four-year-old might in certain situations.

Darkened circles around my eyelids: my right eye socket bruised from a fresh robbery, and nothing in my stomach for days except for methamphetamine. A gait in my walk illustrated that my life was destined for failure. My lips were cracked and dried from chemical and heat. I had something like $78 to my name as I walked in to face the magistrate for sentencing. I had seen the judge six days previous and we all agreed that I would be admitting my guilt and heading to prison on this perfect June day.
This is a picture I took of myself six days before my sentencing. My eyes tell a sad story.

That is where my life ended. I had no hope. I had no fear. I did not care about myself or those that loved me. That Vince died that day.

I sealed myself in a cocoon for a year-and-a-half. When I emerged I was not a butterfly, because butterflies can’t speak or write, and I think they just eat leaves. I like meat, and sweets. The cocoon was just an analogy.

You all know the story if you’ve been following my life since those dark days. I’ve been making a lot of progress in many areas of my life, and I keep on improving  on things that I think are my shortcomings, and I’ve become something I never was: a human.

In the beginning things were difficult. I had to work on what was killing me from the inside. I worked with a couple men who had been through the same thing and who had some serious time in recovery to back up their new lives. I saw in them a happiness that I knew I could achieve with a few simple steps: Twelve to be exact. I followed their instruction and listened to their advice, and slowly I began to see things around me from a different angle. I started to see where my actions hurt others, and I saw where I could start giving instead of taking.

Four years in and my daily life is more challenging than I ever expected, but I get through it without relying on alcohol or drugs to cope. I use communication wherever possible, and I use meetings to talk about things you people would never understand. (Yes, you people.) A lot of what I do is second nature now but only because I constantly practice.

I don’t do this for me anymore. I do this for you. I do this for my friends, my family, society, and my ladies. I do this for my dog, your dog, your friends, and all of you who read this blog. I do this for my coworkers, my neighbors, and the people in my past that I have harmed and I will never see again.

Every anniversary is significant, but every day means more to me than most people will ever fathom. Every day I am free. Every day I am truly thriving. Every day I am sober. Every day I feel alive.

And Counting

I remember vividly waking up at 5:19am, one minute precisely before the lights would come on; the indication that it was time to stand a...